is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
