Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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