I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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