Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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