ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
