those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In other news, I just burned my penis
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
