70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
