Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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