I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
