Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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