I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
