I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
