How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
