Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
