Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
