twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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