Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
