Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
