i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
whose parrot is this?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
