i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
