Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
