Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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