things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
