Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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