do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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