My room smells like vodka and shame
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
