My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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