Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
