I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
