so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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