Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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