i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
