Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
