If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
