I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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