just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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