I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
