two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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