You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
