So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
