I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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