Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
