Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
