"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
