I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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