Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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