There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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