Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
