Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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