i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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